AGAIN I ADMIT TO YOU THAT...

I would love for you to show me once and for all that you care about me now like I thought you did in the past. Like you stated in that letter.....

I want to awaken from the last few months as if from a bad dream and for girlfriend 2 to prove to be just the product of late night indigestion...

I don’t want to accept that I was just disposable to you.



I have tried to explain to you how it feels to be in my position in so many different ways ...

Why stop now...

PLEASE TRY TO IMAGINE HOW YOU WOULD FEEL GOING THROUGH THE FOLLOWING SCENARIO....



It is already quite humiliating and difficult to have someone who you truly love choose to leave you.

It is even more difficult when they do so without actually trying to resolve the issues being cited as the reasons.

When you add in the fact that you have effectively supported them for the last 6 months it becomes almost intolerably painful.

To be given 12 hrs notice of their move out....

To be ignored when you beg them for some extra time to prepare and for the police not to be involved....

To then discover that all of your mutual friends, her family and the police have been invited to join you for this incredibly emotional and heartbreaking event....

To see her stand by and act vindicated as the police throw you down in front of everyone and yr neighbors...

Knowing that you are on probation....

Finally you are left in the rubble of yr home and relationship without support or friends. You have just been brutalized by the police. You have malfunctioned under the stress in front of everyone present so that you have lost the respect of all concerned.

Well #$%&^, this is enough to break most people. That I ever found the strength to tell you that I loved you again after just this event should speak to the depth of my feelings for you...


Remember that your worst fear was being kicked out of the house....Something which you made me promise never to do....?


Why did I stupidly go on to call you names at times *%^&? Largely based upon the frustration and indignation at your treatment of me from the get go...combined with yr insistence upon being negative about me and our relationship...I was given no respect whatsoever.

I went on to suffer through many additional indignities beyond this. Many of which were my own fault I would be the first to admit. I was so damaged though that I just did my best to hang in there....Hoping for some real understanding at some point.

You know you could have stepped in at any time to help me and relieve some of the pressure. Instead of gloating over my failings.

I got so frustrated waiting for you to take a positive stance....

At some point I would have thought that you would have apologized. If you truly wanted to still work it out you would have said so from the beginning right??

Instead you just kept on denying me and grinding me down...

A process which has never stopped even until now...


MY GREIVIOUS ERROR....


I just wanted to be in love with you forever. My greatest wish was for you to be happy with me.

In the end I have never stopped fighting for justice with you. Since you say you are honest it seems incredible to me that you can't recognize that you have been very unfair to me.

When is it is time for YOU to step up in our relationship?

….For YOU to start giving of yourself?

I always have done this for you...

Even throughout the last several months when I have had zero encouragement....

All while being judged solely on my mistakes

But never on the basis of my efforts to address the original issues right?

Never on the basis of how I tried to show you my love through actions and words exponentially more times than I ever resorted to calling you silly names.


While having my heartfelt apologies ignored.

I have still received none of the apologies that I deserve at all myself.