I miss you, but I mostly miss the you that I knew before you broke up with me...I don't miss listening for the sound of you in my house, or wondering who you're talking to on the phone, or who you're with or what you're doing...Ok, I still wonder all those things, but not having you right downstairs makes it a little easier. I miss your cat, although I dont really imagine I'm going to come and visit you in your new hole, cave, whatever it is...

I keep praying that I'll forgive you, not hold any bad feelings about you...My sponsor says I should pray instead that I just accept the way I feel, and feel it till my feelings change. I don't want to feel any negativity toward you, but I do. I am so disappointed...let down...I still feel like I was tricked (although I should have seen at least my part clearly if not yours...) I know you believe you always tell me the truth, the problem is you don't know how to be honest with yourself, so the honest things you say are still not true.

So many things remind me of you...I'm sick of you, thoughts of you, memories of you...I want some eternal sunshine in my spotless mind...God, why did you have to drag me through all that if you weren't really into loving me? I'm a really good woman, and I know how to love and that I'm actually available to be loved...Well, except for the part where I still have energy about you, I don't want to drag that forward into a real relationship...I guess time will heal this, time and God, because I certainly am not seeming to be able to fix my own self.

Ok, I'm going to spend some time with myself until I know for sure exactly how I attracted you; what sick need inside myself you filled; and how to be the best woman I can be so the next time I will not repeat this experience.

Hear that God? I want a real relationship with a grown-up man next time. Until then, I live and I learn.