are you serious? XXXXXXXXX, you did. you did without even knowing or thinking about it. i'm scared and excited at the same time.
and now the wordy part...
i spent twenty years rigidly defining myself; then i've spent the intervening time un-defining my life; letting myself be, experience and exist in the totality of nothingness.
never, in a million lifetimes of the universe, would i be able to conjure up the merest reflection of what i've seen in you in the 10 days since i talked to you over tea (that you were unable to drink because i didn't know you to not put real milk or nut-derivatives in it...).
out of a spinning fog, you coalesce into being, mostly unreal in that i don't believe someone so wonderous can even exist. ephemeral in a glow that blinds and pierces to the center of my brain.
i see an impervious guard, watching over her family; at the same time a completely human woman, who wants nothing more than we all do.
from moment to moment, i tumble from doubt to uncertainty, always resolved in what i believe and never sure about what i must do. i know i must never contribute to any hurt or pain for you, yet i'm certain my anxiety and wanting and best intentions will drive me to do just that.
i don't know where chemistry comes from, but i feel like i'm drowning in it.
On Aug 11, 2005, at 7:33 PM, XXXXXXXXXXX wrote:
Paul
Who hit you?
Why are you off balance?
I am confused.
XXXXXXXXXXX
and now the wordy part...
i spent twenty years rigidly defining myself; then i've spent the intervening time un-defining my life; letting myself be, experience and exist in the totality of nothingness.
never, in a million lifetimes of the universe, would i be able to conjure up the merest reflection of what i've seen in you in the 10 days since i talked to you over tea (that you were unable to drink because i didn't know you to not put real milk or nut-derivatives in it...).
out of a spinning fog, you coalesce into being, mostly unreal in that i don't believe someone so wonderous can even exist. ephemeral in a glow that blinds and pierces to the center of my brain.
i see an impervious guard, watching over her family; at the same time a completely human woman, who wants nothing more than we all do.
from moment to moment, i tumble from doubt to uncertainty, always resolved in what i believe and never sure about what i must do. i know i must never contribute to any hurt or pain for you, yet i'm certain my anxiety and wanting and best intentions will drive me to do just that.
i don't know where chemistry comes from, but i feel like i'm drowning in it.
On Aug 11, 2005, at 7:33 PM, XXXXXXXXXXX wrote:
Paul
Who hit you?
Why are you off balance?
I am confused.
XXXXXXXXXXX
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