I just got devoriced, You knew I was in a scary place. But you waited... thank you. You came on so sweet. dark and strong. But you stood me up on the first date! What the fuck? Well! It was no loss I didnt have anything in this yet. Good for me! But you kept coming around. Just hi, just how are you. We we finnaly did go out. It was okay, I didnt let on about much, not ready to be open. We talked everyday. You would call. every night. We went out again. He said we were adults. No condom, oh god I need to get tested. You had me, I never felt anything so strong. Many many times. many days and nights of something gentil and dirty. You wanted kids! Now! how beautifull they would be. inside me looking down on me. Move in? let me take care of you while you get through school. Why am I not jumping at any of this.. A naging feeling. just I dont know. Is it that im newly single am I cold, unable to open my heart? I say nothing, just wait I say to myself. You call "am I ready to go to the city" 4pm. "No just go without me". " Are you sure? " Yes! Yes! bye"! Call back "hey are you sure" ? Yes, Im so sorry i hope this is okay I will make it up to you"! You say :later tonight okay 9:30" ? "Okay'. 10:30, well I will see if he's out all night, I would be. you dont answer the cell. I call 12:30. Im out with friends but Im getting mad. 2pm wow i lave a message. Im mad this is rude. Next day you leave amessage kind of an excuse." I got drunk". I call you have turned off the cell! I leave a message "well call me when you get this". all day sunday, monday, work tuesday, 5pm tueday "hay are you going to talk to me"... I remember this girl some how I just know she is in front of me. I ask "did you go out with Mauricio"? " No, I mean Yes but I dont see him any more". He keeps calling her, she says he wanted her, he is not a one woman man. When was the last time he called? "This weekend". Well you know the story. Now I feel something, It is coursing through me. Im so glad I can feel this! The pain will go and I will stop missing the feel of him. for now ... just pain